I HATE THIS!!!!

WHY CAN I NOT MOVE ON? WHY DO I THINK ABOUT THIS EVERY SINGLE DAY. I CANT LET GO OF IT. I LIVE FOR MY BABY AND I FEEL I NEGLECT MY OTHER TWO CHILDREN BECAUSE OF IT. I DREAM ABOUT IT, THINK ABOUT AND I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT BUT I DONT WANT TO BOTHER ANYONE ABOUT IT. HELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLP ME! I AM NOT AS STRONG AS EVERYONE THINKS. I WAS JUST LOOKING AT PICS OF HER BEFORE HER ACCIDENT AND I AM SO SAD. ALTHOUGH SHE IS AMAZING NOW I STILL MISS HER FROM BEFORE.

Journey continues

Okay so it has been 1 year and 7.5 months since my daughter fell from that window in Hawaii. As most of you know she is doing amazing. She is in therapies at school and out. She is very slow on her right side and is in special education classes at school. She is very smart but can not express it or write very well so she is being isolated from children of her age. I am having a very hard time with this fact because to me she seems "normal" but I also know if we mixed her in a class with all "normal" children she will fall behind. She is so happy all the time and makes us all smile. God works thru her. You can tell by the way she touches peoples lives how she is always making them smile, laughing. It is amazing on how happy she is. We recently signed her up for gymnastics and she does great. She even uses her rightie and runs like a regular child. Best choice on our end! I will take video and post one of her.
Now as for me...I relive this day over and over and over. I can tell you when we woke up, what we had for breakfast, what was said...every little detail one would normally not remember or care to remember. I am very far from over what had happened. Sometimes I feel so guilty for dwelling on it since she is doing great. I wonder will she over have that limp, will she always walk and run with her right arm up beside her head? Will she have a successful life and life with a man as she gets older? I wonder and I worry. Someone once told me as long as she keeps that beautiful smile she will touch everyone's heart and she will do fine. Have you ever felt the power of prayer before? Until this I hadn't. It is so strong and to have been blessed with her, to be trusted with her is so unbelievable. I treasure her so much.

The Journey

It had been a couple of weeks and my baby girl was over coming everything thrown her way. She went from being in a coma for 2 weeks, to the nicu for a week and a half and then in pediatrics for a week. She was paralyzed on the right side of her body and her diagnosis was she injured her left temporal, her thalamus. She could no longer talk, walk, hold her self up, eat on her own and was back to wearing diapers. I was discouraged at times but she was alive and no doctor thought she would make it. SHe is an amazingly strong child with the grace of God by her side. After she was released from the hospital we had to go to Baltimore, MD for intense rehab. This was so scary and emotional. Watching her try to talk but couldnt, standing but falling, wearing diapers, ect. I broke down. My 4 year old daughter was like and infant again and no one could tell me her out come. In the 6 weeks we were there she spoke a few words, could walk with assistance, and was wearing pull ups because she refused to use her diapers. She was proving everyone wrong...even me! I admit I didnt think she would make it. I was in shock over it. I had two other children who were going thru all of this with us. We pulled them from school to go to MD with us and then we sent them to my sister in laws house in Ohio for 2 weeks so we can focus on Aliyah and they would have some normalcy. Life was anything but normal for my family. Everyone was telling me how strong I was being but they didnt see me on the inside...i was a mess. I wanted to die because my daughter was not "normal" anymore. In mid october we were able to come home with her!!!! When we arrived home we had to get set up in therapies, baby proof our house again life was going to be different. So much different. I had to just remember she was alive! She was home with her family and we had God in our hearts and in our home!

My child fell from a second story window.

I had it all. A wonderful husband who serves our country in the Marine Corps, three beautiful healthy children, living in beautiful Hawaii and my husband was currently deployed. We had just moved out of old housing into new housing and everything seemed so perfect. I met my neighbor across the street and we hit it off. About 2 weeks after moving in new housing I had asked her to watch my youngest and the two children I was babysitting so I can take my oldest to the drs and go to the commissary. I didn't know that on August 1st, 2008 would change our lives. I brought the children across the street around 830 AM and I had left. My baby girl who was 4 at the time cried and said she wanted to come with me. I told her i would only be gone a little bit and I would bring her a treat back for being a good girl. I hugged and kissed her and told her I loved her. 10:00 AM I called Katy and asked how the kids were. They were all doing good. My daughter Aliyah wanted to watch TV down stairs but Katy's rules were no kids in the living room so Aliyah went upstairs in her sons room to watch tv. I told her I will be back in about 45 minutes. At 1020 am she called me and told me she found Aliyah sleeping in the drive way....WHAT??????? First thing Aliyah does not nap...second thing is diffently not in the drive way. She told me she carried her inside and she has a bump on her head and a scrap on her shoulder. I told her wake her up. She tried waking her up and she started vomiting blood. I screamed call 911 and I will be right there. It took me 30 seconds to get to her house. I ran inside her house where I saw Aliyah laying on the couch moaning and holding her leg. She was so swollen and swelling by the minute. I ran outside and screamed for someone to help me. I heard the ambulance and at that moment I noticed what had happened. My worst nightmare coming true. The second story screen was laying on the drive way. My baby girl fell out of the bedroom window. I ran inside and screamed she fell from the window...she fell from the window. Next thing I remember is the emts showed up and asked what had happened. I told them what I knew but in the mean time I called my husbands unit and asked them to contact him immediately and tell him to call me. Aliyah fell from a second story window and she is being rushed to the hospital. Minutes later he calls me and asked what happened. I told him what I knew and he didn't realize the seriousness of the situation. He stayed on the phone with me the whole time. I went with her in the ambulance although they would not let me in the back I had to sit in the front. They were driving so slow...why I was asking my baby is going to die isnt she???? Next thing I heard was go faster...you need to get there now! OMG...what is going on??? why isnt anyone talking to me. My husband is still on the phone trying to calm me down. When we arrived at the hospital they would not let me look at her. They took me to a waiting room and took her to the emergency room. I was screaming and I was in such disbelieve. What was happening??? A pastor came in to see me, a social worker and the head nurse. All asking me to tell them what happened. All I knew was she fell out of the window, I had no clue how, why! I kept asking to see her. They brought me in to see her and i didnt even recognize her. I touched her and I screamed. She was so cold and stiff I thought she dead. I fell to the floor and cried my baby my baby! I had no one there with me since my husband was deployed so I had them call my friend Katherine who worked with my husband. SHe came within an hour and stayed with me. She helped me out so much. I had no clue what they were talking about. I was not in the mind frame to understand. I was talking to my husband on the phone and I remember telling him get home. She isnt going to make it. They did not seem positive about her outcome. His units pastor came to sit with me and pray with me, his CO, his SGT MAJOR, and some of his fellow marines came to sit with me. In the mean time we had red cross put an emergency message out to get my husband home. He was home in less than 24 hours.